Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
