in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
