I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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