Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
