I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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