Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
