That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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