Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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