On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
