my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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