I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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