You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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