I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize