I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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