Can i not drive my cunt home
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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