I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize