my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
