party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
