He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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