I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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