just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize