I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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