Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize