Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we should paint friendship bongs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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