Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize