Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
