I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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