I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dignity is for republicans.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
