Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
