I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize