i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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