Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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