You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
