I hate your face
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
