dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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