Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
