why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
