First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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