I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
