So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
