My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
