He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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