I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
