I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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