It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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