Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well you can't waste a boner
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
