if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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