I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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