I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
