Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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