none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
