I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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