he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
