I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So here I am, sexting at work.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
