by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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