Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
