that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
