Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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