Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
